Names Redacted to Protect Confidentiality
Outside we hugged
And coveted red and black minivans
For their parking spaces
Smoking
Laughing hard
Losing breath
A million jokes about machinery
Cogs and wires spread loose we oil and pick inside
Sitting on the soil
In the concrete
It took me long enough to get my paper lotus
It’s still on the dashboard of my car
And coveted red and black minivans
For their parking spaces
Smoking
Laughing hard
Losing breath
A million jokes about machinery
Cogs and wires spread loose we oil and pick inside
Sitting on the soil
In the concrete
It took me long enough to get my paper lotus
It’s still on the dashboard of my car
______’s purple hair ______’s red hair my red hair a milli
On little hairs in my flannel pockets ______’s cigarette sm
Oke in the layers of my lungs and clothes borrowing some f
Rom ______ ______ and ______ grilled cheese all around
Coffee tea empty cups marked with caffeine rings always w
Ith ______ memorizing wrinkles lines colors texture clothin
G style because I don’t know the next time I’ll see ______ o
R _______ or ______ but I love them and when _______ as
Ked how my aborted dates were and sent me pictures with _
_____ Empty cans and empty jars and empty wrappers swee
Ts and teeth all stained and tired under the eyes everyone has
Bags under the eyes and _______’s hates ___ but I see the sa
Me purple swells like bruises and creme puffs under my eye an
D _____ still loves me I know it and when ______ dissapeare
D we all wondered why and when ______ stopped coming as
Often we wondered why and asked each other but nobody kne
W and we knew nobody would know no I don’t need to expla
In why I left the room it was _______’s remembering that ma
De me remember and outside I was crying and ______ put ___
_ arm against mine the closest we can go in the July August he
At illegal contact is always forbidden like children but I still get
Phone calls and messages from ______ ______ ______ ______
______ ______ _______ and I promised to visit that sex shop
The last day I saw those minivans
The last day I saw the inside of a room
Where the windows never opened
The last day I saw my own sweat pool
On my glasses with everyone still shaking
What does it truly take
To see someone again?
My last day everyone told me how much they loved me. I stopped eating those muffins but I still bought them. I bought another muffin on my last day. After I left the facility I started eating them all. Two muffins a day saved up. Chocolate chip smudges on my mattress my face my sheets my car seats. Everyone remembers how I would always be eating a muffin and cracking my joints. The told me so. They were gonna miss the sound of me cracking my neck. I offered to record it. It’s not the same, they said. I thought to myself What does it truly take to see someone again? Anyone really. All my muffins have been flattened in my bag. My joints still carry enough tension to snap.
On little hairs in my flannel pockets ______’s cigarette sm
Oke in the layers of my lungs and clothes borrowing some f
Rom ______ ______ and ______ grilled cheese all around
Coffee tea empty cups marked with caffeine rings always w
Ith ______ memorizing wrinkles lines colors texture clothin
G style because I don’t know the next time I’ll see ______ o
R _______ or ______ but I love them and when _______ as
Ked how my aborted dates were and sent me pictures with _
_____ Empty cans and empty jars and empty wrappers swee
Ts and teeth all stained and tired under the eyes everyone has
Bags under the eyes and _______’s hates ___ but I see the sa
Me purple swells like bruises and creme puffs under my eye an
D _____ still loves me I know it and when ______ dissapeare
D we all wondered why and when ______ stopped coming as
Often we wondered why and asked each other but nobody kne
W and we knew nobody would know no I don’t need to expla
In why I left the room it was _______’s remembering that ma
De me remember and outside I was crying and ______ put ___
_ arm against mine the closest we can go in the July August he
At illegal contact is always forbidden like children but I still get
Phone calls and messages from ______ ______ ______ ______
______ ______ _______ and I promised to visit that sex shop
The last day I saw those minivans
The last day I saw the inside of a room
Where the windows never opened
The last day I saw my own sweat pool
On my glasses with everyone still shaking
What does it truly take
To see someone again?
My last day everyone told me how much they loved me. I stopped eating those muffins but I still bought them. I bought another muffin on my last day. After I left the facility I started eating them all. Two muffins a day saved up. Chocolate chip smudges on my mattress my face my sheets my car seats. Everyone remembers how I would always be eating a muffin and cracking my joints. The told me so. They were gonna miss the sound of me cracking my neck. I offered to record it. It’s not the same, they said. I thought to myself What does it truly take to see someone again? Anyone really. All my muffins have been flattened in my bag. My joints still carry enough tension to snap.
Christopher Rios is an organizer and writer living in New Brunswick. All you need to know about them is that they love the beach but hate the sand. They love radiating an aura of mystery. They keep personal facts such as they were writing since they were six years old, they get depressed sometimes, and they love a good rib to themselves. All for the mystery.
